Class is Now in Session

Since my ego is as big as my waistline (though unlike my waistline, my ego is not shrinking), I'll take the credit for both this little number as well as a couple of the articles in this month's Muscle&Fitness. It would seem that my pissiness from a few weeks ago about being lied to by the food production industry has caused some waves in the cosmos.

The CNN article aggravated me to no end. They kept blabbing about the FDA defining "whole grain" and everyone’s reaction to that possible definition, but it wasn't until the third to last fucking paragraph that they actually said what that possible definition actually was. And even then, it's not a very good definition.

"A whole grain must retain its basic structure."

Well what the fuck? How the hell does that help any of us fattys out here decide which kind of bread to buy? Our government in action...

M&F made much happier and I learned quite a few things in the process. Their article "Label Lies" was terrific. Let's learn, shall we?

When you pick up a package of ground beef and it say 85% lean, do you know what that really means? See, fresh meat isn't required to have a nutritional facts panel on it, so you have to do a little figuring to know just what you're getting. 85% lean means the meat is 15% fat, right? That's 15% by weight. 15% of the weight of it is fat. You don't know how much of the percentage of calories comes from that fat and the butcher probably can't tell you either. Meat that's labeled "hamburger" should be left to rot in the case. The government says that hamburger can't exceed 30% fat. Remember, 30% of its weight by fat. Think of that this way. My weight is about 30% fat and I'm considered morbidly obese. How healthy do you think a morbidly obese cow was? Yeah, nice huh.

We keep cereal bars in the office for a quick snack between clients. I'm revisiting them however. Just because it says "Made with Whole-Grain Oats" or anything like that doesn't mean it's all that great for you. The key to look for in things like this is the number of grams of fiber. Less than 3 grams? Move on to something else. I don't care if it was made with saw dust, less than three grams of fiber doesn't do me any good. Now ain't that a bitch?

Take a good look at the ingredients list on that nutritional panel. Do you see any of these? Sugar, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, fructose, corn syrup solids, brown sugar? Do you know what all that is?

SUGAR!!!!!

Every last god dammed bit of it is sugar and you'll see it several times in a label. It's a deception. It is all nothing but sugar. Bastards!

Lots of labels scream how they have No Trans Fat!! Well, what the hell is trans fat anyway? The worst thing I can say about it is that it's manmade. Nutrition experts call is Frankenfat. It was created to increase shelf-life and boiling points, but it also increases inflammation, damages blood vessels and raises cholesterol in us. So, if so many say their product doesn’t have it how do you know who does? Partially hydrogenated oil is your red flag to look for.

So, let's arm ourselves with some power words. The following terms are regulated by the FDA, meaning the food producer can't just put it on their labels for shits and giggles; they have to meet certain standards. Here are the words: Free, Low, Lean (and Extra Lean), High, Good Source, Reduced, Less, Light, More and Healthy.

I don't know the specifics for all of them yet, but here's what I do have: Healthy = less than 3 grams of fat, less than 1 gram saturated fat, less than 480 mg of sodium, less than 60 mg of cholesterol, at least 10% of one of six specified vitamins (A,C, iron, calcium, protein, fiber) High = contains 20% or more of daily value for whatever nutrient in the claim ("High in Vitamin C") Low = low sodium means less than 140 mg and low fat means less than 3 grams.

The most important thing to look at on nutritional label, however, is the serving size. When you pour yourself a bowl of cereal, is it the serving size listed? Probably not. It's probably more like four times the serving size, so you have to quadruple all that info. Do you really put just two teaspoons of dressing on your salad? I sure as hell don't. It's another way they lie to you. They aren't hungry human serving sizes. They're serving sizes that allow the food producer to tell you their product is good for you even when it might not be all that great.

The more knowledge I gain about this little game they play, the less I like eating.

Bastards.